Combat Boots and Flip Flops

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How can three little words have such a BIG meaning?

I tossed and turned most of the night, I can't even try to figure it all out. All I want is him, but how can I go from saying 'I love you' a couple weeks ago, to then pretending like I never said it, and wait until it means what it should. I look at him every day and all I think is how happy I am with him. Sure we have little tussles, but what couple doesn't.

This weekend I really started to think. We were cuddled up the other night watching a movie, and it felt like nothing else was going on in the world. Again, last night we were just laying cuddled together, and I couldn't help but hold on tight. I needed to make sure it was real and that I wasn't going to lose him. I can't describe how I feel when I'm in his arms. Last night all I could think of was us together, and those three little words that everyone is so scared of. What is it about this little saying that makes everything so complicated? I find that their are different kinds of love. Of course an obvious one is Family Love. Families are everything and nothing can ever break that bond of trust and love. I know that my family will always be there for me through thick and thin, and I don't ever have to worry about them leaving. There is Friends Love. It is a little less of a bond than Family Love, but still very strong. Of course there is different stages of Friends Love, too. It all depends on how close of friends you are and what they are willing to do for you when needed.

Now for the really hard part: What is actual Love?

There is so much to learn about love that no one can fully understand it. I honestly don't even think I can say that what I say here, is all true or factual. I only speak what I feel myself. A relationship start outs with attraction. Obviously there is some kind of attraction between the two people to get something started. The attraction will range, from completely physical, emotional, or personality. For those very few get all of these rolled into one. After dating for so long,(it's different for everyone) people begin to start a new connection. This connection brings more feelings, maybe more complications, but more emotions. Couples tend to take the next step, take their relationship to a new level. But when is it right to finally say those three little words. Everyone thinks it is different and different times. Some say you can't know or say it until years after knowing and dating the person. Others start to say it within a week of meeting a person. Can anyone really say when the right time is to say it? No one knows how you feel, only you can decide.

When you finally decide what those feelings are, how do you go about saying it or expressing them? Do you just come out and say it? Come up with some extravagant way of letting everyone know?

When is that perfect moment to finally say, "I love you!"??

survived hell

I believe I have survived. I am not quite fully done yet with one of my project but I don't have much left.
Tomorrow is a big day. I present my project, have lunch with an ex, my brother is getting married at a courthouse, and then hopefuly come home to my great boyfriend. Im not sure what to think about with the lunch, I guess it will be somewhat awkward but there are no feelings left there so it should be okay. The marriage isn't a big deal. I guess it is just a title really and a big wedding to come later. All I really look forward for tomorrow is seeing my parents and being able to just spend time with Josh and not have to stress out about being in the studio getting things done. :-)
Josh is all I want. It may seem to soon to think about a lot of things, but I honestly can say I don't want anyone else. Im so happy when I am around him. I love the fact that he is willing to help e with anything if I were to need it. He treats me so well and I know I can tell him anything. I can be myself which ever mood im in: whether it be dorky, geeky, bitchy, goofy, or just plain me..and he doesn't judge or get mad. Usually he justs laughs at me. I went through only two days without him and never wana do it again. I thought I would be okay but I really wasn't. I care about this kid more than I have for anyone in a long time. I can't describe what it actually is about him that makes hooked so bad, but something wont let me go. He is the first guy I've been able to be with in a long time that I really didn't mind being with all the time. I WANT to see him everyday and sleep with him every night. I can't get enough time with him! He is the greatest thing to ever be mine :-)

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Hell Week!!

This week is my first hell week of the semester. I have two projects due this week and they really suck. My woods project is my main focus. I am actually extremely proud of it. I hope that my brother and sister-in-law will like it when its finished. Obviously I can't stand textiles so that project I don't really care about. It is kind of a cool looking piece, but I am not putting in the effort that I should be.

My week didn't start well. On Friday I got into a rough spot with my boyfriend. A lot was said and I didn't understand what was going on. I really couldn't figure out how he could just come out and say that he didn't love me and that he didn't want a long time relationship with me. But looking back on the relationship there were so many signs that he truly cared for me and wanted to be with me. I finally broke down enough and broke up with him that night. We kinda talked over the weekend, but then on Sunday he came over to get his stuff. It was extremely awkward because we didn't know how to act around each other. Much to my surprise, later that day he texted me telling me that he missed me. We talked a bit about what had happened and how we felt. I told him when I got home he could come over and we could talk if he wanted. So thats what we did! We talked about everything. He has a lot of insecurities due to a past relationship, which I do understand. I asked how he felt about me, and all he could tell me was that over the weekend he couldnt stop thinking about me and that Sunday after he left he was almost in tears and went home and either slept or starred at the wall because he didn't know what else to do. He got really emotional trying to figure out how to explain stuff to me, but couldn't seem to get it right. He wanted to get back together, but my deal was that he had to get to know me, figure out his feelings and find some way to show/prove to me what they were and that they were real. I thought it would take a while, but again to my surprise he came up with the perfect way.

One thing that got me hooked to him in the first place was that he would send me lyrics from country songs. They were usually out of the blue, but always at the perfect time. He used that to express how he felt. he only used parts of the song and then through in some different words. It was so sweet and explained how he felt about me. I wanted to cry! I have reread it like a hundred times already and proud to say that I am dating him again! I like this kid a lot and I really hope that he knows it!!! :-)

Hopefully this week will get better. I see my parents on Friday when my brother and sister-in-law go to the courthouse to get married. That will be exciting!! I guess my week is just busy busy busy, but the fact that I have a great guy to share it with will make it all the more worth it!

Future

I think my studio teacher is someone that I will come back to for a recommendation. She seems to get to know the studio pretty well and she likes to be connected. She really cares about the students that she teaches.
She has a degree in architecture which will really help me in the future. When I try for graduate school, I think she would be a great person to write a recommendation. She knows a lot about the program that I am going into.
It is important to me, for a person that I want to write a recommendation, to actually know me. Some teachers don't really care about the student and only care about the work. I think a teacher that actually cares about each student individually shows really good character. That makes a good person for writing positive things.
I can't say a whole lot about other teachers that will help me. It will all come with time after this year. I think that when I make it into my major, there will be many more resources to use for recommendations. These people will actually have the credentials that I need.

Facial time!!!

When I went to clubfest I found a booth for the volleyball club. I was so excited because it said that any body could join. I hadn't played volleyball since sophomore year of high school so i was a little nervous. I went to the first open gym and of course was hooked.
I have been playing now for a couple months. I joined for personal reasons. I love the sport of volleyball and was really worried that I wouldn't get the chance to play sports in college. So when I found ths club I was super psyched.
I have practice twice a week and then we will start tournaments in a couple months. I love this sport because you get to make friends by playing something that you love. I like playing because i get the exercise that I need and it is a great stress reliever. I'm not really sure how this club can help me with leadership.
It can help me in the future because I will be out doing something and will stay healthy. This way it keeps me from just sitting in my room. It helps too because I will have time for just me. Where I won't have to worry about homework or class. I get to just forget everything for a few hours a week and play a sport with girls that love it just as much as me.

Thats Right..I do more work than a man!!!

A tragic event happened in the year of 2007. Hurricane Katrina crashed through the south east coast of our nation. I was fortunate enough to have the chance to drive down there with a church group and help the victims that lost their homes. We helped many families, but one stands out the most. A time that I feel I was at my best is when fixing up a shed for an amazing woman and her family.
I was working with three other girls and one adult. We were fixing the roof of the shed by outselves. We had to put up wood rafters and large tin sheets. Our teacher did not do a whole lot other than hand us girls the tin or wood rafters. We were the ones on the roof nailing everything on. Next to the shed was the families FEMA trailer that was still not up and working. Since the trailer had come out, the workers had not come back to hook up the running water or anything.
The woman we were helping was pretty upset about this and decided to call the FEMA people. She told them that she was upset how four teenage girls were taking time out of their day to fix her shed but they hace not been there to hook up her utilities in weeks. Of course the FEMA people had to show up now. Instead of actually doing their work though, they decided to sit and watch us work. We as teenage girls doing the work of guys were quite amused!
I felt like this was my best moment because I was helping others. I was doing something that was completely unselfish and made a difference. It was, also, quite amuzing how we out did the FEMA guys! I will try to put this into affect with my first semester by doing my best in all the work that I do. I always try to make my work better by seeing what other people do. I want to take the idea of helping other people and put it into my work, also. All in all, I feel that this was the best of my best!